365 Days

Exactly one year ago last Thursday, I found out I was pregnant.  After 1386 days, 4 IUI and 2 IVF, we finally had the BFP we had so desperately longed for.

Our official pregnancy blood test was scheduled for Monday, June 18th last year but we didn’t want to wait that long.  We did everything right with our first transfer the year prior; we avoided testing at home so that the results we received would come from the professionals.  Well, those results were negative and we were heartbroken.  When it came to receiving the results the second time around, we wanted to be in charge of how we found out.  We felt as though if we received a negative testing at home, we would be more prepared to get the “official” negative when we went to our doctor’s the following week.

I woke up with an incredible urge to pee that morning, which maybe should have been my first clue that I was pregnant.  I rarely, if ever, needed to get up to use the restroom in the middle of the night.  While Lee and I had agreed that I would test beforehand, I slunk out of bed, trying not to disturb him.  It was 4 days before our official test, and even if I was pregnant, I wasn’t expecting a positive this early.  I apparently wasn’t as stealth as I thought, as Lee awoke the minute I arose and asked if I was planning on testing.  I said yes, but that it was important to not get our hopes up as it may still be too early to get an accurate result.

Imagine my surprise when “Pregnant” flashed across the screen almost immediately.

“Babe!”  I shouted from the bathroom.

“Yeah?”  He replied rather groggily.

“We’re pregnant!” I exclaimed.

I crawled back in to bed, both of us now wide awake and beyond excited.  I told him that I was going to pick up another type of pregnancy test to verify because naturally, I was apprehensive about getting too excited.  I spent a good part of the morning looking up the statistics on false positives and researching the half-life of Lupron, which was a medication I had used to trigger ovulation 10 days earlier.  I came home from work that day, with a different brand of test and took it, half-expecting a negative.  I got a plus sign almost immediately.  I tested again the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that and the day after that.  All positive.  It appeared I was indeed with child.

We got the blood test confirmation on the 18th.  I would have to go back in on the 20th for another one.  You see, they wanted to make sure my HCG levels were continuing to rise.  If so, that was a good indication that this was a valid pregnancy.  If they didn’t, it would signal that it was likely a chemical pregnancy and would not result in a live birth.  Sure enough, at my second blood test, my HCG levels had more then doubled.  I was roughly 5 weeks pregnant!

We planned to keep it under wraps until we had our 8 week ultrasound.  Our doctor had informed us that once we saw the heartbeat, the chances of miscarriage dropped drastically.  We didn’t want to celebrate our pregnancy until we were a little more certain that this was the real deal.  At least, that was our plan.  We had to travel to Lee’s home town shortly after our second blood test for his aunt’s funeral.  We had barely made it in the door of his childhood home before his mom asked if we had any news to share.  There, in front of Lee’s parents, siblings and their spouses, we acknowledged it for the first time.  We stressed that it was still REALLY early and that we would appreciate if they kept the news to themselves until we reached the 12-week mark.  They assured us they would and did not disappoint.

We opted to do NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing), which we were able to test at around the 10-week mark.  The test screens for chromosomal abnormalities, but can also determine the sex of the baby.  Since I was considered an “advanced maternal age” the test would be covered by insurance, so we figured we might as well.  It was through this test that we found out we were having a girl.  I think Lee was initially disappointed, as he comes from a family of mostly girls (8 aunts on his mom’s side alone and 3 sisters of his own).  But that dissipated pretty quickly.  After all, we were having a child; something we had wanted for years.  And frankly, as long as the baby was healthy, that’s really all that mattered.

It’s crazy to think how much our life has changed in the last year.  We now have a beautiful, healthy and happy 4 month old baby girl.  They say that you never know love until you have a child and I always thought that sounded so cliché.  But I honestly can’t imagine what I would do without our girl.  Every day is made a little bit brighter because she’s in our world.

I’ve definitely softened as a human since becoming a mom, and I would say I’m the best version of myself that I have ever been.  Our sweet girl has made us both better people.  And I’ve fallen in love with my husband all over again as I’ve watched him take to parenting as if he were born to do it.

All the procedures, the ultrasounds, the hormone shots, all the negative pregnancy tests and all the tears leading up to our positive; I would go through it again and again to get this outcome.  She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us and we can’t wait to watch the beautiful human being that she will become.

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