It’s been a weird week. I think most Minnesotans would agree. It’s the middle of April and we just got hit with a two-day snowstorm that left over a foot of snow in the Twin Cities area. Spring has been an elusive slag, with temperatures averaging about 15 degrees below normal. While I’m sure these meteorological issues aren’t the sole reason for the depression that barreled at me this week, I’m sure it didn’t help matters.
It started with insomnia on Sunday night. For whatever reason, insomnia is a common side effect with PCOS. There’s no real evidence that I’ve found to explain why it happens, but insomnia seems to occur frequently with my fellow cysters. For me, there’s no telling how many consecutive nights I’ll be subjected to sleeplessness. Sometimes, it’s just a night, sometimes it can last up to a week or more. Unfortunately, this time around, it lasted for a solid 6 days. Each night, I’d wake up at roughly the same time, and turn on the TV, tossing and turning, hoping the voices would lull me back into a fruitful REM cycle. Yet each morning, I would get out of bed more delirious than the day before. By Thursday, I was so exhausted that everything took too much effort. I went radio silent, refusing to answer text messages or phone calls. When Lee got home, I told him I was sorry, and that I wasn’t mad at him, but I needed him not to talk to me. Lee was a trooper, and just let me be. He sat on the opposite couch all evening being silent, his presence so very appreciated.
By the weekend, I started to recover. I was finally able to fall asleep and stay asleep Friday night. I still wasn’t ready to be too social, but I slowly felt like I was becoming myself again. The blizzard was almost a blessing in disguise, really. I often spread myself too thin on weekends and I didn’t have the opportunity to do that. The blizzard almost kind of saved me from myself this weekend. I was able to lay around, be lazy and really focus on listening to my body and what it needed. My amazing husband took care of all of the shoveling and laundry, and even made a mid-snowstorm grocery run, so that we’d have snacks on hand for the impending snowpocalypse. By Sunday, I felt as though I was finally back to my old self. And just in time: We have a big week ahead of us.
We didn’t get the good news we were hoping for with Lee’s sperm sample. We didn’t get bad news, per sé, but it wasn’t the news we were hoping for. Lee’s sample has not improved. It’s frustrating for both of us, but especially for him. I see him trying everything he can think of to improve his health and lifestyle. He had such a good feeling about this analysis, but unfortunately, it just wasn’t great. Oh well. I told him we’re just going to keep doing what we’re doing. No reason to derail just yet.
I have another fun procedure on the docket today of which, I’m sure you’ll all be extremely jealous. Have you ever heard of uterine scoring? Me neither. But it’s a procedure that Dr. Corfman suggested. There isn’t a lot of evidence to support uterine scoring, but he said that theoretically, it makes a lot of sense. It’s where they go in and actually scrape a small portion of the uterus to help with implantation of the embryos when they are placed in the uterus during in vitro. I’ve been struggling with whether or not to agree to this procedure for the last month or so. It’s like I have the proverbial angel and devil sitting on my shoulders. The doom and gloom version of me wants nothing to do with this procedure. After all, it seems that I’d be undergoing this procedure based on hypotheticals. The procedure is only going to work IF we get viable embryos. Last time none of our embryos ended up being viable, so why would this time be any different? However, the positive version of me is screaming at the doom and gloom through all of this. Just because we didn’t have any last time doesn’t mean we won’t this time. There’s no harm in trying, right? It’s not that expensive and Dr. Corfman thinks it might help, so shut the fuck up, Doom and Gloom Katherine, and give it a shot.
After that, Lee and I have to sit down to go over our medication plan with the IVF coordinator. That will take place over the phone, so I will have time to go home after the procedure, change in to comfy pants and make a heating pad my bitch before we dial in. As of right now, our IVF plan is on track, with the my next retrieval estimated to take place at the beginning of June. While it’s very surreal that this is all happening again, I anticipate that it will sneak up on us yet again, almost as if out of nowhere. Spring weather does appear to finally be on the horizon and I’m hopeful that it will bring with it, the desire and motivation I have been lacking this time around.