Well, it’s Valentine’s Day, which means……
If you’re one of those people who gets really excited about this holiday and looks forward to spending the day showering your loved ones with chocolate and accolades, that’s wonderful! Back in the day, in my younger years, I was exactly like you. As I’ve gotten older (and maybe wiser?) I put much less stock in the Hallmark holiday. Because if I’ve realized anything over the course of the last few years, it’s this: Love is hard.
Not always, of course. When life is going well, it can be so easy to love! It’s the times of adversity that are the problem. When life gives you lemons, or worse yet, drops an entire lemon tree on your head, that’s when love can get tough.
Lee and I have been together almost 8 years now. The first 4 and half (the dating years) were smooth sailing. The last 3 and a half, well, at times, it’s been a bit of an uphill battle. I think back to our wedding day, and of the vows we took, how we both promised to love and support each other in these times of adversity. It seemed so easy! Of course I will continue to love you when things get tough! How could I not?
Well, you know what? It’s just not that simple. I wish it were. As Lee and I have struggled to conceive, I’ve heard from a lot of other couples that were faced with tough times. Some were able to rebound, and some were not. Does that mean they loved each other any less than the couples that were able to work it out? Probably not. But sometimes the struggles just become too much to bear.
As I’ve struggled to come to terms with some of the cards we’ve been dealt, it’s made it really easy to want to give up. Not because I don’t love my husband; I’ve never loved anyone or anything as much as I love him (except for maybe my cat, Gladys, but Lee knows this). It’s just because when times get tough, all I want to do is shut people out. I’ll dream of running away and disappearing off the face of the earth. It’s how I’ve always been, and frankly, it’s a hard habit to break. Depression is a sonuvabitch, man.
Luckily for me, this is where Lee’s stubbornness comes in to play. He refuses to give up on me. He refuses to allow me the easy way out. He thinks I’m perfect. Well, maybe not perfect, but he appreciates my imperfections, because to him, I’m his perfect person. And he’s most definitely mine. And knowing that he sees so much good in me has allowed me to see some of it in myself.
We’ll spend our Valentine’s Day doing absolutely nothing special. We’ll go to the gym, probably grab something quick and easy for dinner on the way home and be in our pajamas by 7. But the fact that I’m spending another day with my one and only (my lobster, if you will), well, that is pretty fucking special.
So Happy Valentine’s Day to all those celebrating today. Tell your loved ones how much you love them, not just today, but everyday. And make sure to take some time to do something nice for yourself. Take some sage advice from the illustrious Ru Paul, because: