Lee likes to joke that proactive is my middle name. Seriously though, it probably should be. I like to plan ahead, problem solve, analyze and make to-do lists. As nerdy as this may sound, there is almost no greater exhilaration for me than crossing a completed item off my list. That’s almost impossible when you’re playing a waiting game, so I decided to up the ante. I would now try to solve problems BEFORE they happen. Thus, the idea for proactive therapy was born.
I read an article that discussed the strain infertility can put on a marriage and I was determined to preempt any potential issues before they arose. But how was I going to explain this to my husband? Who wants to blind side their spouse with the term “couples therapy”? I decided to plan out exactly what I was going to say and downed some liquid courage to help me say it.
I told Lee that I was interested in meeting with a therapist to improve our communication skills and help us develop a better team mentality for the upcoming months. I said that while I think we’ve got a really solid marriage, we also didn’t know what the next few months would bring. To my surprise, Lee didn’t balk at my suggestion. Not even a little bit. At that moment, my heart swelled with love and admiration for my husband.
I made an appointment with a family and marriage therapist in our area and as luck would have it, we both really like her. She assured us that the communication issues we were having in our marriage were actually quite common and commended us for coming in to see her before we started experiencing bigger issues.
We’ve had three appointments now and I think I can speak for both of us when I say that it has already been so helpful. Yes, there have been tears in these appointments, but the laughs far outweigh the tears. We’re learning how the other person communicates and are developing ways to sort of create our own language. As a result of these tiny changes, I feel more in tune with Lee than I have in a long time. Maybe ever, actually. Our therapy appointments have allowed me to fall more in love than I even thought possible.
I feel so confident that we’re moving in the right direction as we head into the unknown. And I can say with absolute certainty that I love, cherish and respect my husband more today than ever.